Ten Months That Changed How I Father

"I would lose my mind." "I’d die." "I just can't do it."

Ask a father to take care of his children full-time, and this is the default reaction. I know, because two years ago, I said the exact same thing.

Why?

Part of it is the Provider Trap. Biology and culture scream at us to get off the couch and hunt. We feel the pressure to build the roof and buy the food. In a two-income economy, the pressure to earn is the noise that drowns out everything else.

But the other part is hiding. We say we need to work, but often, we’re actually afraid. We don’t know how to be alone with our own children. We don’t know how to engage without a script. That fear is selfishness masquerading as responsibility.

I learned this the hard way during the final year of my Master’s program.

We had just moved overseas. My wife had a job, and I was finishing my degree while looking for work. But we hit a math problem: full-time nannies in this new country cost five times what we paid back home.

The bank account was on red alert. I had no choice. I became the full-time dad. We let go of the nanny.

The first two weeks were a grind. I was trying to finish a Master’s, look for a job, and keep two humans alive.

But then, the panic faded and something shifted.

We went camping. We hiked. We hit the beach. I realized that while I was stressing about my career gap, I was getting a masterclass in connection. I wasn't just "watching" them. I was with them.

Most working parents only see their kids during the "Un-Happy Hours." You see them from 6:00 to 7:00 am during the morning rush, and you see them from 5:00 to 7:00 pm during the exhaustion and tantrum window.

By outsourcing the middle of the day, we outsource the joy.

It took me ten months to find the right job. Economically, it was terrifying. Traditional companies were scared of my entrepreneurial background, and I had zero network in a new city.

But those ten months reshaped my understanding of capability.

You were made to provide, yes. But you were also made to guide. To love. To enjoy. If you think you "can't" handle your kids, you're underestimating yourself, and you're shortchanging them.

Don't wait for unemployment to force your hand. Find the hours. Take the time.

It’s not babysitting. It’s parenting.